I've been struggling for a topic to write about since my last post, and finally inspiration hit me today. I was coming out of the grocery store this evening, with hands full of bags when I was stopped by two tables set up near the exit. One was full of adorable girl scouts who asked me in unison, "Want to buy some cookies?". The other was a man at a table with forms and clipboards looking for signatures to further some political cause. He yelled "Are you registered to vote?" As I looked back and said, "sorry" to both parties, they each glared, and the man made a snide comment under his breath. In short, they both had determined that I was a bitch. Well, maybe not the girlscouts because they probably don't think like that yet. They probably thought I was just a mean lady. The series of thoughts and emotions that cascaded over me as I departed this scene was so immense that I surprised myself. "They don't know me." "What do they think I'm going to do? My hands are full of groceries." "Maybe I should have at least stopped to hear them out." "Man, a box of thin mints sounds great." Mostly, I felt guilty, and then angry, and then guilty. But why? Maybe it's because this is not the first incident that I've had today.
3 hours earlier. I'm walking home from work. It's been a long day and I'm ready to tuck into a short nap before dinner. I'm carrying a very heavy bag and all I want is a snack and to lie down. I'm approached by two students. They ask me if I have a second to talk with them. As the words, "about what?" escaped my lips, I suddenly realized from their expressions that I knew exactly what. They said that they were Campus Christians and they are talking to people about their relationships with Jesus Christ. I said, "I don't have time. Thanks, though" and I kept walking. They said "Have a good day!", as I walked away. Again, I felt like a jerk. But, then, I thought, what a very personal question to ask a total stranger. Would they have liked it if I had said, "What is your favorite sex position?" Because that is just as personal as the details of one's faith, or lack their of. So, in essence, I've shot down 3 different requests that were made of me while walking today, and then branded a bitch by all of them (Well, at least openly by one of them).
The injustice of it burned me. I had a very good reason to say "no" to all 3. For one thing, I bought a box of girl scout cookies 2 weeks ago, and I only allow myself 1 box per year for health reasons. Secondly, I never sign a petition without knowing what it's about. At the University of Oregon, I was often asked to sign petitions to "help people" or "save the environment" when half the time, I was signing petitions to make the rich richer and the planet less safe from ever-consuming corporations. So, to be safe, I don't sign petitions. Last, I didn't talk to the Campus Christians because my faith system is not only complicated but contrary to the norm in this country. Nothing either of us said to the other would change anything. So, why waste time? But, to do what was best for me (and them), I had to be a jerk. How fair is that?
It reminded me of another thing that happened a couple of months ago, while my friend Lyndsay was visiting. We were approached by two people outside the same grocery store. They looked out of place in this well-to-do neighborhood as their clothes and hair were dirty. Unusual for here. I used to be approached for money or food in Oregon often, but not in this area. They asked me for a ride and then for money. I said no and walked away. Then, I felt incredibly guilty because Lyndsay and I spent the day at a spa having massages and pecidures. It goes against everything I stand for not to help people who really need it. So, why don't I when asked? The same reason other people don't. Fear. I was afraid that once the people got into my car, they would turn a gun on me, or something. What a strange fear to have given that it has never happened to me, nor anyone I know. It is a symptom of the age we live in that we cannot trust anyone. Even if I knew that the person was safe, I might still think that they were fooling me in some other way, to get my money. As a poor person living in a rich town, I have to save my nickels.
It saddens me to know that our society is so driven by fear now that we cannot even lend a hand without being afraid that it will be bitten off. I've had much to ponder in this entry. There is no straight answer for any of it. But, there is one thought that I will leave you with, dear reader, the next time you see a girl scout, go for the Samoas.
